Love Sifting Between My Fingers

It never occurred to me that you could be gone. The idea was inconceivable, not because it was unimaginable, but because I had no concept of life without you. There were moments where the thought would hover around the periphery of my consciousness trying to poke its way in, but I never permitted entry.  To do so would only invite things that I’d fought to keep away and I simply couldn’t allow that to happen. I understand now that it had never been my choice, but these illusions of control are what keep us sane as we career through life with little grasp on anything, even what’s right next to us. Maybe that’s why I did it.